This story called LIFE

HOME=<3

2009-05-07T11:01:00.006-04:00

I think its about time I hit up on this subject since over a month ago I said it would be the next necessary blog topic. I must say though that my soul has been a bit quite over this last month and my life, well it has not be so quite as I have been working vigorously to graduate. Now that chapter is closing, I'm working on writing the next. I'm not sure whether this post fits under the former or the latter but I do know its a rough draft that I may return to make some changes to as this topic does ebb and flow in my life. Either way what I want to say is that home has been an interesting concept during my journey of grief. It use to be so simple- Columbus GA was my home and then I came to college but that was just a middle ground for a period of time. Then I went to Savannah, then my dad passed away, then I wanted to go to England, then I didn't go nor did I return to school but I "lived" in Savannah. So the concept of home became very fuzzy. Because despite all of this I still had this deep longing to be settled, this desire I was clinging to. Everything in my life after my dad's death had become unsettled. I wanted so bad to have "my" own place where I could put everything I owned including my dad's furniture that was sitting in a storage building. Then stay in said place, not move, not even think about moving for awhile. You get really sick of all the chaos when you leave a dorm every year for four years, trust me if you haven't experienced it, its not easy. I've noticed this settled desire is deep within so many peoples hearts. And I wonder just how much of that rings to the fact that we aren't truly home, none of us, not even individuals who are openly against any thought of Jesus. None of us are home because this isn't the way it is suppose to be and I wonder just how much God fights for us not to settle. Yes everyone, and I pretty much really do mean everyone gets a house and a job and a spouse and the dog and the kids. I'm not at all saying this is bad because honestly my life will probably end up looking a lot like this, but I hope it is a lot more. I guess I should get down to the point of what has changed in my view. Basically the Lord told me to let go. Let go of this obsessive desire to have those things. I was making it harder on myself by wanting such things. It came down to having to decide whether I would stay and work here at ACC where once again I will be living in a dorm and eating in the dinning hall. I wasn't sure whether I wanted this because I wanted so much of the other. But this release has been freedom. I'm cleaning my life out, I'm breaking out some of the things I've been keeping for a future house and I'm using them. Who says I'll live to see a house in my name anyways so I might as well seize the opportunity of using that cute rug I have for such a deal and that awesome vase I have as well-I mean it does all match!:)And the other stuff, I'm pretty much going to give a way. There are people out there who need pots and pans while mine sit in a storage building waiting on me to settle and then I will probably be the one who will is blessed with a house warming party or who knows someday a wedding shower. Either way I'm learning more and more that the Lord really does provide for me. He is so many things and I'm coming to know each part personally. Not too long ago he used the book a book to show me his Redeeming Love, then through my controlness- that he is my ultimate provider, now he is showing me how he fathers me as I have been reading To own a Dragon by Donald Miller. More on this soon. So maybe we should all take a look at what it is we are striving for and figure out whether it really is what we want. I have a inclination that when God said to seek his kingdom first and all else will be given to you, that he wasn't joking. So now in my heart, I know I am home and home really is where my heart is. I don't care how cliche that is, Jesus may not litterly be in my heart or maybe he is, there is far too much debate on this matter in my opinion. All i know is I am only truly me with him. And like Dr. Hooks taught us in Old Testament Proophecy, the heart from a biblical perspective is where decisions are made. Decisions are not easy for me, anyone who knows me well enough knows this about me but with the Lord I know that I can make sound decisions and if I happen to screw one up he is still there and will fix the pieces back together again to make something beautiful...for those who love him. In this particular instance I have been able to use my heart to make the decision that I am completely settled in Jesus, give or take a home, or when I didn't have a car, or if I have a penny or $1000 in savings, or if I wear the same nice clothes for three years because I really don't need anymore. So wherever I go I carry home with me in Jesus name,
Amen

More GOODNESS to share...

2009-03-31T23:09:00.005-04:00

Cardboard testimonies...I first saw this on a friends blog post....

and then my friend Kristen, who just got baptized, her sister-in-law made this....

I thought after I had posted about Kristen's baptism it was only appropriate to share this as well. Who knows, maybe someday I'll write about my cardboard testimonies, but for now I'm rejoicing over theirs.

Just for Fun...

2009-03-31T22:42:00.005-04:00

NOW

2009-03-25T21:23:00.000-04:00

There is a scene in Step Up 2...its my favorite scene that doesn't have dancing, but one of my favorite dance scenes is just before it, check it out sometime if you like dancing :)...The leading female says, "My mom always use to tell me 'Just be yourself, life is too short to be anything else. When I was little that sounded so strange, I mean how could I be anyone else? When she got cancer it was like the floor just fell from underneath me and I've been running ever since but now I can't find my way back."
The leading male's response..."Maybe its not about going back, maybe its about being right where you are."

This is so telling, her words could be mine, I have certainly found myself thinking quit often that I wish I could go back to who I was before, especially before my dad died but sometimes I even want it to be back before I came to college. I feel as though my faith was much stronger then, I was a dedicated servant at my church. etc. I mean there is the whole Bible college predicament where you have to find the heart of your walk with Christ outside of class, chapel, etc. Then theres grief, which throws a whole other aspect into this struggle. So in many ways I tried finding my way back to "that girl." The crazy thing is I wasn't sure what it was that I was missing to make me feel so different. As a result I was serching for a mystery that I thought would make me feel whole and fully happy again.

Its been a gradual process but more recently I have encountered the idea that I should really put the past behind me (boy is that a cliche) but seriously, I mean this in a way that recognizes there is no true way of going back to that person I once was and that is actually a good thing. It is only a block in the road to be thinking too often about wanting to go backward (trust me I realized how crazy it was to be thinking in this way but I still felt it) And then yesterday I had a moment with the Lord where it was like okay its time to let this go.

Even as I write this blog I have began to recognize that I only felt weaker in my faith than I once was because of the way it had been defined. When I came to college, suddenly my walk with the Lord was not about the church I had gone to or the ministries I had been a part of there because I wasn't going there anymore and I didn't immediately have a church to do the same. My faith really did have to become mine. I've heard people say that your faith has to become your own, not your parents but I always thought that since I didn't grow up going to church then when I did start going and recognized Christ as Lord and savior of my life then of course it was my faith not my parents but obviously there was some truth for me in what people were saying.Even if my faith wasn't defined by my parents, it did become intertwined with the other things I mentioned before (the church I went to and the ways I was involved). Now my faith is not a result of anything but my walk with Christ. Its me and Him. Everything else is a result of that. Yes I am a part of a community and yes I still love and want to be involved, service is so very important but none of that is what directly defines me as a christ follower. Now just give me Jesus, he is all I need to define me and he provides everything else I need including the essentails like the body of christ. Such things as my struggle with reading the word I can understand now because it wasnt a priority when it was church that defined me not Jesus. Now that it is Jesus, his Word is becoming so precious because it draws me closer to him, to understanding his love for me and our relationship, etc. This change has not been easy and though God has obviously been moving in this way for awhile considering I'm about to gradaute, the insight to what He has been doing is fresh to my mind. It seems so obvious now that I'm surprised I never realized it before but I know that God has a way of doing things just right, I mean he is God ;) So I'm sure this insight is perfect for closing this chapter of my life. I'm so thankful that I'm learning this before graduating. I guess like I said in the previous post about the worth of college, it really is worth it, if it wasn't before (which it was) than it is now more than ever.

In another one of my last posts I mentioned that it was time to live in the now. Iguess I just wasn't ready, which is interesting because the post was about being home so I'm thinking I wasn't really "home" at that point.Its time to talk more on that in the next post...

Gosh these blogs can really help a girl shed some light on things. Talk about really living in the now, how more in the now can you get than this. ;)

Thank you Jesus for using my blog to glorify you just like I prayed it would. I didn't fully realize it would be you teaching me that would glorify you but I will most certainly take it. Your thoughts really arn't my thoughts and your ways arn't my ways....there so much better!

The BEST Feast Day yet!

2009-03-22T20:02:00.000-04:00

Ah man....today was a great day. Today I saw my great friend Kristen Coski get baptized and after the journey of the last two years it was one of the most beautiful things I have seen in a long time. Today I remember the small things over these last couple of years like when I handed out index cards to everyone in the dorm last year with a name of another girl from the dorm on it, the only instruction was to pray for this person. I purposely gave Kristen's name to Bethany. I also remember telling the intern here at school that it would be good to put Kristen in Dr. Macks d-group and guess who was at Kristen's baptism? I remember the time Bethany, Melissa and I went to the hospital to visit Kristen, we didn't get to see her but we took an Oprah magazine and a candy bar to her. Lastly I remember the time it was just Bethany and myself at family prayer one Thursday night last year. We really poured our hearts out about several things including Kristen. I think one of the best parts of today was to see how many people have played strategic roles in Kristen's life. There were people praying for Kristen before she ever stepped foot on ACC's campus and have to continued to this very day. It really goes to show just how much each person as a part, can plant a seed in someones life. Out of us all, the Lord has wanted for Kristen to choose him more than any of us. He watered the seeds. So there you have it...don't think you don't have a place in the story of people's lives.

By the way, today I had a piece of Kristen's "birthday" cake (we threw her a party yesterday) hence the part about it being the best feast day. I really splurged after not eating anything sweet last Sunday (I wouldn't suggest doing that) so I also had ice cream to, from Rita's ice custard happiness (check the website out if you don't know what it is).

P.S. again...In grieving you just might find that you become a more sensitive person, I had never cried at a wedding until my friends this past October and then today I sobbed. I never expect it or I would prepare myself with some tissue! Maybe I will learn someday! :)

Is it really worth it?

2009-03-19T11:41:00.000-04:00

While I was home for spring break I must also confess that I watched a large share of television but I also fully admit that I don't care at all whether this was a good or bad thing because I don't ever get to watch it anymore and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Ok now I can go on to say that one of the shows I watched is CSI, it was the original one so I guess that means it was the Los Vegas one, correct me if I'm wrong because I'm really not sure. None the less, I found the least important part of the show most interesting. The lead male, I don't know his name either, was explaining some research he had seen about how people who go to college end up spending about as much as they will end up making in their lifetime. Granted I don't know how true this is but that isn't the point...his colleague asked him if he was saying that he thought college was worthless and the next thing out of the leads mouth was "Depends on what you learn." Ok so that is interesting to me because of how true it really is, I mean when I think about how much I have grown just as a person (not in heigth of course, I have plenty of that at 5'8") I realize that nothing can replace the experience of college. I think in high school it is common to wonder who we are and try to figure it out but I don't think we really know until college. I can't speak for anyone who hasn't gone to college but as for me I know that now I can "go into the world" (as if college isn't actually part of the world) knowing so much more about the important things in life. Once again I don't think words can really do justice here but I'll do my best...somewhere in these last four years I've caught on to some things that I don't think I would be as good of a friend, child of God, wife, mother or anything else without knowing. I'm learning to enjoy silence, to control money rather than it control me, how to fully submit to community, that less is more and so on and so on. These things and more I am still learning about and just in the past couple of days I have been thinking about how some things will constantly remain in need of more reminding, and defiantly prayer, probably even more wisdom. Hopefully this whole process is evident in the blogs I write. I guess I'm just saying that as I have about fifty days left of this thing we call college, this part of life, this part of my story... I say I am so very thankful for it, for the ups, for the downs, I wouldn't trade it for the world (there's those words again). So in my book it certainly is a worthy cause, worth every penny even if it is a not so cheap, private christian college.

P.S. This means a lot to me considering right after my dad died I really wanted to give up for a little while and leave school. So if your feeling hopeless...keep keeping on. Just don't be too hard on yourself along the way.Remember Jesus is there.

Confessions of THIS shopaholic

2009-03-14T00:49:00.000-04:00

I saw the movie Confessions of a Shopaholic the other day. I didn't want to go honestly, I was tired and wasn't sure if I would like it. I thought it might promote shopping and spending too much money on clothes without any consequences. But my aunt "kicked me in the but" to go and now I'm glad I saw it. It seems that every movie I don't have the desire to see ends up being a movie I really like! Anyways its subject matter is where I am in life right now actually. I'm on a shopping fast I guess you could call it. I finally realized that I have plenty of clothes, actually more than enough. I could clothe three other people I'm sure, probably more. And among the things in my life that are going on, one is a search for simplicity. In fact I'm claiming this year as Simply 09'. Every book I have been picking up whether for class or for leisure has pointed to this idea of simplicity.In fact there is so much I don't think I can spit it all out here which is okay because its not necessary. But lets go back a little.
The interesting thing about grief is how it can play a role in every part of life. When I would go shopping at the heaviest point of grief I came out of the store with clothes I wasn't even sure I liked enough too really buy. It wasn't just that I was splurging to feel better but that grief can literally make a person feel an out of body experience. My friend described it as living in a color television world while you feel like the black and white set. The numbness makes it easy to shop without even thinking about it. The feeling of loosing a piece of yourself when you loose someone you love causes the urge to find that part of you again. Of course we run to clothes first, at least us females usually do!Looking back on this I would love to be upset with myself over it all but really I am a better person because it. It's not like the grief all of a sudden made me a shopper it just made it far to easy not to think about the end result. No, even before my dad died I certainly was a shopper.Now I see that less really is more. So for now I'm doing my best not to buy more clothes. I'm also not getting rid of any at this point either. My strategy is to see what I really do wear and what I don't but more than that I want to actually feel the depth of what I have especially when I get it all together in one place, which I plan to do, and then I will see just how much I have. I even plan on counting the articles. At some point I will embrace the giving away part. I was thinking the other day of how it will feel to not even care if someone borrows something and I don't ever see it again or if someone likes something maybe I give it to them because I realize that this controlling nature that is so common in the world is very much in me as well. And I can do something even if its little by starting with me. My favorite part of the movie is at the end when the leading character defines herself. "Rebecca Bloomingdale, reformed shopaholic." Also the leading male role had empty picture frames at the begining of the film. When she asked him why he didn't fill them, he responded that it is what is in those pictures that defines a person. So someday the right picture will come along and I will share it with you but for now....I am Amanda Moody, a shopaholic being reformed by the patient and unconditional redeeming love of Jesus. Until next time may you find more peace and simplicity in your life as well. -alm

Just call me a NERD

2009-03-05T12:17:00.000-05:00

A few days ago was the anniversary of Dr. Seuss's birth.It's hard for me to forget this considering one of my favorite places is Barnes and Noble and of course they make a big deal out of it. So it has just kind of stuck with me that his birthday is in March. This year my curiosity took over when I miraculously guessed the right ans er to the trivia question,"What author is attributed to first using the word nerd?" My analysis was that nerd is a weird word therefore Dr. Seuss was a relatively legit answer. Who knew it would be right! So I looked it up and
Wikianswers.com says...

A leading theory on the derivation of the word "nerd" is that Dr. Seuss created the word for his story, If I Ran the Zoo, in 1950. In it is a creature known as a Nerd from the land of Ka-Troo. It is the first time the word is found in print. Others claim the word began as "knurd" (before arriving at its current spelling) by researchers at the Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in the late 1940s. Students who partied, and rarely studied were called "drunks," while the opposite - students who never partied and always studied - were "knurds" ("drunk" spelled backwards).
It all says:In 1957, the Glasgow, Scotland, Sunday Mail defined "nerd" as a square.

So there you have it. If you ever ask where do our words come from, here is the possible answer to one. I am off to read If I Ran the Zoo so that I can have the full experience. I can't help but be a nerd, I own a book filled with a collection of his books. From the time I was a little one I have absolutely loved One Fish Two Fish, Red Fish Blue Fish. My mom even bought me a shirt that has the illustration of the book on it...and this was only a few years ago.So I just might be wearing that sometime this month. I do say birthdays should be celebrated all month long! Look google celebrated too! Here's to starting a truly fun tradition. Glasses on and hats off to this fabulous author!

Alive and New

2009-03-05T12:09:00.000-05:00

This song has a lot of cuss words, don't judge me. Now that we have that out of the way...whenever I hear it I think of myself. My life is in no way like that which is spoken of in the song, I've never been involved with drugs and violence but still something resonates with me about the song. Its not just that it has a good beat. Its a story of change, good change,restoration, even if its just a little glimpse. Of course more than anything I would like to see T.I. and Justin Timberlake being restored by Jesus, something I hope I don't reject to pray about just because they are celebraties; God did make them and he can work in their lives too. None the less I think of two things about my life with this song. One of couse is the new creation I am in Jesus, the old me really is dead and gone, not because of me but because Christ. Secondly, I think of my struggles with grief and I can truly say that I have been traveling on this road too long trying to find my way back home.The word home has been significant on my journey, more about that later.I recognize how I've come back around from the tragedy of lossing my dad and the old me that was depressed is dead and gone now.See thats the thing I haven't slowed down enough to explain at what point I am at right now. I went thorugh a time that you might call "blogger's block." I spilled my heart out about my grieving and it was like I had opened the floodgates to let it all out in one final way, it was like therapy for me.Then there way nothing...literaly I had nothing to say. But recently I've just been a blogging manic because I am learning so much in my relationship with Christ that I can't even remember everything to share. So here's the thing... I finally feel a lot like myself again. But by this I mean my new self. I have returned to things I was before...being all social and smiley, and such but at the same time I am different and I would not change that for anything. In fact I don't even know that I can fully explain how I am different but I believe my blogs can shed some light on the changes.So many of these changes can be categorized as topics...unity, pride, simplicity, community, love, redemption, etc. One of these imparticular I see even in this song.Read the lyrics srating with "I turn my head...he sings about swallowing the pill called pride. Disclaimer: I can't know fully what was intended here, I would have to speak with the writer but I'm thinking how can I turn my head to the North, to God and not swallow my pride. It's really easy to fake it but for real relationship with Christ my pride must be killed but there is yet another lesson hidden in this truth. As I was reading the book The Shack I began to see just how much this is really for our own good. We think our pride is like our best friend and if God wants us to get rid of it to be friends with him its like hes being mean but we should all take a second look...God is jealous, jealous for us completly.Arn't you kind of happy when someone is jealous to have you to themselves? I use the words "kind of" because there comes a point that we arn't happy with someone being jealous of our time because it can become posessive. But God is on a whole other level, he is jealous but gives us the space to choice how we respond, whether we will give ourselves completely; he doesn't make us do that or even try to.However, thanks to him, when no one else is by our side, he will never leave us or forsake us. This has been a resounding scripture for me through the bumps of the last few years. I am so glad we were using it as our theme scripture to teach at camps throughout the summer just before my dad died. I believe that as I spoke this truth into student's lives, I was speaking it right back into my own ears.Beyond never leaving us, he wants us to live in a loving community. He wants his kindgom on earth. God really is beautiful, its just hard to see sometimes. So take some tiem to enjoy the view again.I am going to try to do the same. Its totally worth it. But this time try some different form of beauty, perhaps a song? ;)

I've been travellin' on this road too long
Just tryna find my way back home
The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone

No more stress, now I'm straight, now I get it, now I take
Time to think, before I make mistakes just for my family's sake
That part of me left yesterday
The heart of me is strong today
No regrets I'm blessed to say
The old me dead and gone away

I turn my head to the East
I don't see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the West
Still nobody in sight
So I turn my head to the North
Swallow that pill that they call pride
That old me is dead and gone
But that new me will be alright

2009-03-03T11:17:00.000-05:00

Oh snow! What a glorious thing it is. For us folks in the south snow is a very unexpected thing, and that is exactly what my sunday was like...unexpected. I thought we would get up, go to church and lunch, then the girls would head back to Savannah. Well I was certainly wrong. By the time we woke up it was pouring and difficult for four girls to get ready in one bathroom. We decided on staying in. What is interesting about this is just how much I saw God in this day even though we didn't got to church. I don't say interesting because it surprises me or that I'm finding some excuse for not going to church. Its interesting in how you see God if your looking rather than if your going to church because its just what you do on sunday morning anywhere between 8 and 10ish. No today I saw God in friends, I saw God in sweets, I saw God in the snow, I saw God in the sunset, I saw God in the attempted sleding we tryed so hard to do, I saw God in the snowball fight we had, and in the laughter we shared, ok I think you see where I'm going. It was also feast day for me. You see something that is going on in my life right now is lent. I am not eating sweets as a part of this time, but and this is a big BUT, Sunday is what you call feast day. Feast day! I can have sweets in recognition of Christ's resurection. He gave up his life so that we can have ours. See the relation here. It was a great feast day...everything about it was sweet. Even my friend's were saying, all day actually,"this is the most perfect day!" I marveled at how much they loved the snow. How interesting will it be when we get to see how God really meant everything to be in this world. Just look at these pictures and how excited we were. Look at how beautiful everything was made by the snow. So my friends stayed an extra night and we had a fabulous weekend of fun and friendship. It was great. I just wanted to share the sweet pure joy of it all.

The previous post got me exploring...this is the result:

2009-03-01T10:42:00.001-05:00

One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"
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A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold".
At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute -how come you called God 'Harold'"?
The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy Name."
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And this particular four-year-old prayed: "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
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During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Gary's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence, and after church asked: "Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?"
Gary answered soberly: "I asked God to teach me to whistle... and He just then did!"
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One night Mike's parents overheard this prayer: "Now I lay me down to rest, and hope to pass tomorrow's test, If I should die before I wake, that's one less test I have to take."
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A five-year-old said grace at family dinner one night. "Dear God, thank you for these pancakes..." When he concluded, his parents asked him why he thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken. He smiled and said, "I thought I'd see if He was paying attention tonight."
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A little boy's prayer: "Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big mess."
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A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy: "So your mother says your prayers for you each night Very commendable. What does she say ?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!".
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A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?".
"I wouldn't know what to say," the little girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the mother said.
The little girl bowed her head and said, "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
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Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer.
"Fine", said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you."
"Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Johnny. "I asked Him to help you put up with me."

Compliments of... http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/5997.htm

Goodness to share

2009-03-01T10:28:00.000-05:00

Here is a fun story I got in an email today...

Last week, I took my children to a restaurant.
My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace.
As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice for all! Amen!"
Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"
Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"
As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.
He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."
"Really?" my son asked.
"Cross my heart," the man replied.
Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."
Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal. My son stared at his for a moment, and then did something I will remember the rest of my life.
He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes; and my soul is good already."

Two Words That Mean So Much

2009-02-28T22:13:00.000-05:00

Jesus Wept
It may be the shortest verse in the bible but its powerful. Watch the video clip...
Need I say more? As someone who has experienced grief, this is very accurate, at least it is from my point of view. The sitting shiva should sound a lot like my lying down days I spoke of in this previous post. Obviously Rob Bell, the man from the clip, has also been through grief and understands. I suggest watching the whole video if you can get your hands on it. May it encourage you and give you hope...a paraphrased veresion of what Rob says at the end of the video is as follows: "Jesus is sitting shiva with you, whether you realize it or not. Whatever your feeling is ok, but please don't choice to be bitter or closed but be open and know that while Jesus sits with you he is also restoring your heart.Your heart will never be the same but you will recover."
Peace and Love until the next blog,
Amanda

The God of all Comfort

2009-02-26T11:49:00.000-05:00

Sitting in class the other morning (8a.m. might I add) I had my ever so often encounter with grief, once you have lost someone it is never quit the same, there is a totally knew meaning. Dr. Hooks, my addorable and rediculously intellectual professor, told us a story in order to fully explain a text, as it was Old Test Prophecy I was in. He spoke of a preacher he knew who lost his daughter to Lukemia. Afterword he could not preach as he was dealing with how exactly this sort of tragedy fit into his scheme of God. While the church gave him a time of absence, he was looking in Isaiah, I can honestly admit that even something as simple as this can be hard at such a difficult time in life. He was reading over chapter 40. In this chapter it says... "Those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." According to this preacher, the scripture shows 3 forms of God's comfort and strength:

Wings like eagles-ecstasy

Run and not be weary-energy

Walk and not grow faint-endurance

My professor shared with us that some scholars argue the prophet had the order wrong but Dr. Hooks argues the prophet got it right with the greatest comfort last being endurance. Though I may not fully understand this yet or more certainly not be able to expalin it completely, I see the light. Perhaps it is easier for me considering I can relate with the preacher in this story but there is the all comsuming truth that God is the God of all comfort. And that is enough for me.

The journey

2009-02-23T09:53:00.000-05:00

In the book I am currently reading, Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller (which is great so far by the way), He starts the first chapter with the words I could very easily say apply to my life, they seem ever more familiar to this very day, the words are as follows: "I am early in my story, but I believe I will stretch out into eternity,and in heaven I will reflect upon these early days, these days when it seemed God was down a dirt road, walking toward me. Years ago He was a swinging speck in the distance;now He is close enough I can hear His singing. Soon I will see the lines on His face.....
Oh what a day that will be.

My Sunday Sundae

2009-02-16T21:23:00.000-05:00

I sometimes find myself examing life in the form of a facebook status. Although I rarely use the application, it is interesting to think what exactly would be the words I would use to fit in that spot in that moment for whatever particular reason. Right now it reads in the form of a script and this is my line....
"Jesus, today and everyday you are my hot fudge and carmel sundae with a cherry on top!"
I realize not everyone, or even anyone, will understand this so for anyone who would like to know, then here goes...
Sunday was the anniversery of my baptism. The day I died with Christ and rose again with him. Honestly, I remember this date so well because it is the day after valentines day. Now thats a way to celebrate love! Anyways, I have found the journey more signifcant but none the less I like to celebrate this day. It's like the collision of my birthday and Jesus' brithday occurs on this day. How can I not celebrate that? I mean thats the kind of party I want everyday. Ok so today I was with two of my most precious friends who also like celebrations and we decided ice cream after lunch was in order. Considering ice cream on a chilly day isn't exactly my norm, hence the struggle deciding between coffee and ice cream. In the end, I decided on a sundae solely based on the fact that I could get hot fudge. I know my thinking doesn't always make the most since, but it justified it for me and that was enough. As I was eating this delicious creation I thought to myself "what the heck does ice cream and celebrating my resurrection through Christ have to do with each other?" I kind of wondered if I was just using it as an excuse to get something yummy. And all it took was the cherry on top to remind me that God sending Jesus to die for us when we don't deserve it even for a second is so much better than ice cream but then that he wants us to have abundant life, well thats just the cherry on top! I am thankful that God wants more than enough for us. So go enjoy something beautifully sweet today and remember he enjoys it with you!

A Real Life Quote

2008-11-09T22:59:00.000-05:00

This quote is on a plaque hanging in the coffee shop I frequent on my lunch breaks throughout the week. While it is featured in this picture on a rubber stamp, it still reads the same words that strike me every time I read them in Whats the Scoop (if your ever in Richmond Hill GA you should consider checking it out, order some homemade soup and meet the nice owner). Anyways, the words always fascinate me as I ponder over them, honestly its probably more like I over analyze considering that's one thing I seem to do quit well according to my friends. This fascination is due to the fact that while it is far too easy to say what a great quote this is and we would probably all admit it either gives us a warm fuzzy feeling or a sense of cynicism, it's also brutally true that most of us living here on this earth do the exact opposite... we regret the past, we worry about the future and we just float through the day wishing it to be over most of the time. How sad is this truly the case? Maybe we should do some serious analyzing of how we manage our lives and our thinking, even if it ends in over analyzing. At least we could then say we actually put some meaningful thought to it. God came to earth through his one and only son so that we might have abundant life. That is certainly worth some thinking time...

My Mom, my person

2008-11-05T23:21:00.000-05:00

I think it is about time I live up to my promise of devoting a whole post to the declaration of my mom. Pretty much I always come down to saying she is amazing because that sums her up darn well. My mom is for me what Merideth and Christina, from Greys' anatomy, like to describe themselves as...eather other's "person," the one who understands them the most, no matter the turns in life. My mom just gets me, as I would hope for any child especially mother-daughter relationships. Sadly it is true that the people we humans can hurt the most are those whom we are closest. Unfortunatlely this is often the case in my life and even so, my mom is my person. She may have her upset moments with me but she still listens to me, helps me hash things out, gives me a shoulder to cry on, laughs with me (quit loudly I might add:) and shes absolutely fun to hang out with, our favorite pass time is to sit around and chill. So in short there truely are not enough words to describe how great my madre is, however I can honestly say that without her I would have never made it through all of the chaos written about in the previous posts. I owe her the biggest thank you of all! So...I love you mom, more than anything in this world. I thank God he blessed me with you! Love, your baby girl

Take Some Time To Enjoy the View

2008-08-12T15:22:00.000-04:00

At the end of every episode the last words of The View hostess, whoever it may be, are always the same..."Take some time to enjoy the view." While the show often emphasizes whats going on in all the biggest pop stars lives or the political debates, it may do us all some good if we actually listened. I've noticed that from the front steps of my house it is easy to see that the next door neighbor as well as both houses across the stress have swings. Why is this? We like the thought of stopping to "smell the roses" but we let our lives ruin that for us. The key word is let, we can change this. Our part is easy, sit, look, and enjoy. Some words from John Eldredge's book, The Journey of Desire...

"Simone Weil was absolutely right-beauty and affliction are the only two things that can pierce our hearts. Because this is so true, we must have a measure of beauty in our lives proportionate to our afflication. No, more. Much more. Is this not God's prescription for us? Just take a look around. The sights and sounds, the aromas and sensations-the world is overflowing with beauty. God seems to be rather enamored with it. Gloriously wasteful. Apparently, he feels that there ought to be plenty of it in our lives.

I am at a loss to say what I want to say regarding beauty. Somehow, that is as it ought to be. Our experience of beauty transcends our ability to speak about it, for its magic lies beyond the power of words. Wordsworth penned these lines:

Thanks to the human heart by which we live,

Thanks to its tenderness, its joys, and fears,

To me the meanest flower that blows can give

Thoughs that do often lie too deep for tears.

I want to speak of beauty's healing power, of how it comforts and soothes, yet also how it stirs us, how it moves and inspires. All that sounds ridiculous. You know your own experiences of beauty. Let me call upon them then. Think of your favorite music, or tapestry, or landscape. "We have had a couple of inspiring sunsets this week." A dear friend sent this in an E-mail: "It was as if the seams of our atmosphere split for a bit of heaven to plunge into the sea. I stood and applauded...simultaneously I wanted to kneel and weep." Yes-that's it. All I want to do is validate those irreplaceable moments, lift any obstacle you may have to filling your life with greater and greater amounts of beauty.

We need not fear indulging here. The experience of beauty is unique to all the other pleasures in this: there is no possessive quality to it. Just because you love the landscape doesn't mean you have to acquire the real estate. Simply to behold the flower is enough; there is nothing in me that wants to consume it. Beauty is the closest thing we have to fullness without possessing on this side of eternity. It heralds the Great Restoration. Perhaps that is why it is so healing-beauty is pure gift. It helps us in our letting go."

Beautiful words to ponder and embrace.

Introducing Sophie

2008-06-03T14:57:00.000-04:00

My mom's coworker was going to give this precious girl to the pound so we now have a new addition to the family...I would like you to meet Sophie!

On Being Home

2008-06-03T01:35:00.000-04:00

So there are the past four seasons of my life in short. There is so much more I could have said but I will leave it at that. Now summer is inching closer and closer and a full year has gone by. I wonder how I have changed. For one thing I feel my drive to be someone and do something that makes a difference has come back to me as natural as riding a bike does when you haven’t ridden in awhile. This is why I’m at home, to regroup. I’m cleaning my life out, starting over, closing one door so that another might open. Somehow I feel lost and found all at the same time. I’m holding on yet I’m letting go. I’m coming alive and I’m finding me again, something that was loss right along with my dad (in case you didn’t know, a piece of you dies as well when someone close to you dies). Going back to where I was in phase one helps me see who I will be for the rest of phase two, who knows maybe phase three is just around the corner and there is no telling what it will bring if so…

More than anything it’s time to live in the here and the now.

Rewind

2008-05-31T03:04:00.000-04:00

It’s time for a little dose of spring…I realize it technically is still spring but I’m talking about the first half of spring spent at school ending the year out. It was (and still is) sort of like rewinding the tape and watching parts of my life over. It felt like I was back again, that place where I feel like I can’t catch my breath, something I haven’t really felt since the 06-07’ school year. Description of self: fragile, handle with care. At any moment I could break into a million pieces. Wait, I’m already in a million pieces. Instead of sleeping, this time I found myself lying, waiting, and listening a lot. When I say lying I mean it in the literal since. Use to, when I would lie down for awhile I would get restless and board and in no time I would be up again finding something to do. Now when I would lie down I relished every minute of it to the point that I didn’t ever want to get up. I decided to speed a little bit of my time lying down until I got board again. Everything about my life needed to lie down. Lying down was my solution to confusion I guess, there are those moments where all you can do is lie down. It gave me permission to stop and think (I know crazy since I’m an analyzer but it’s true). A friend of mine responded to my lying expeditions (that’s an oxymoron I’m sure) with the statement that when life gets tough, lie down! I think this is a lesson worth remembering because from this lying down time I learned to wait and listen, two important things when it comes to living as a Christ follower. Even if I did already know something about these two things, there was obviously room for some more wisdom, as always.
As for waiting, I was waiting for grief and joy to collide into something beautiful. I use to know joy up and down; people would tell me I had an overabundance of it. Now I understand what it means to have times of laughter and times of mourning. Honestly I miss some of the old times which speaks of something deep but I’m glad I’ve learned what I have because it makes it possible for me to relate better to other peoples sufferings. I’m not going to lie though, it’s so easy to think that I’m not joyful enough because I'm not doing something right but thats a lesson to speak of on antoher day. I know for now I need to mourn over some things and I know I will get to that point where the two become one together. I know it’s possible. Won’t you mourn with me now and rejoice with me later?
And well listening, that I was trying to do as truly as possible, listen to God. Not such an easy thing to do (especially when you feel like what your hearing makes no sense and you wonder whether your just speaking out of your own motivations) but I guess this is why lying down isn’t as bad as it sounds (like I’m a lazy bum). Instead I guess it’s my way of figuring out how to be still and know God is. The rest of spring shall be written on the blank pages soon, of course I’m still living out some of them as summer rapidly approaches! In the mean time, maybe try adding some lying down time to your day if you need too but make sure it’s quite. See what happens and feel free to let me know.

P.S. I Love You all!

2008-05-25T23:30:00.001-04:00

I would like to name the people I have just told you about. Those from the summer who helped more then they realized (including a day at the beach on father’s day) are: Charity, Kaylene and the rest of the Snavely bunch, including the little ones because they helped me remember to play. Also my savannah boys: Ben, Jared, Travis, Kris and Derek. Thank you also to the precious youth of Coastal Community Christian Church and Coastal Empire Christian Camp who remind me of childlike faith and the joys of pure fun!
As for the fall, thanks go out to the girls (Donna, Jen, Diana, and Jamie) and the pimp (Rusty), as well as the ladies of Dodson dorm, especially Melissa and the Bethany’s, W and Z. Thanks for the good times!
I’m sure there are more but these were the main characters that have and still do play major roles in my life, my story. Thanks most of all to God for placing these amazing people in the story at exactly the right time. (You may notice I didn’t mention my amazing mom but she and my Godmother deserve a post all their own.)

Pieces of the Past

2008-05-25T21:42:00.000-04:00

That summer (2007) all I wanted was to be restored. So what did I do? I slept and when not sleeping I was pretty much lazy. It was a pursuit of what most people call “r and r,” rest and relaxation. Up to that point I had only been surviving, doing whatever it took to get through each moment because 10 days after the biggest change in my life I went back to school for the end of my sophmore/beginning of my junior year of college. Finally summer came and I had reached a point that I could collapse. It was actually allowed and I took it for all it was worth, wherever I ended up. Where I ended up when I wasn't home is where my heart always seems to lead me, Savannah. And I must say a special thank you to all the people in my life there for allowing me to be just who I was over that summer. You may not even know what exactly was going on with me because even I didn’t really know but you were a great part in helping put me back together again so thank you, you each mean something so special to me.
Then there was the freshness of fall (2007) that offered a new start. I wanted to “live again,” experience as much as possible. So every weekend I had something to do and no it wasn’t homework. In fact I didn’t even touch the stuff (ok that's an exageration), but still I went to a corn maze, carved a pumpkin, went to a Joyce Myer conference (for free!), cruised around hotlanta, and the list goes on. I am in debt to the friends who made this time in my life a trill or better yet one thrill after another to remember. It wasn’t necessarily that anything we did during this time was extravagent when looking back in hindsight but it was nice to be back to my social self; these little joys were exactly what I needed. Thanks to all, you know who you are. Now I’m here (this was actually written in winter 2008). I’m at that place where the two must meet. Restoration and pleasure are colliding whether I want them to or not but I do want them to. Balance is such a beautiful thing that I don’t know who wouldn’t desire it. One author’s point of view is that devotion and pleasure are the components of a balanced life (from the book Eat, Pray, Love). So I’m in the pursuit of balance: that beautiful place where pleasure and devotion meet. But I’m adding my own twist (I don’t think she will mind, in fact I think she would completely agree with it) because I need some restoration at times too. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Where It All Began

2008-05-23T15:54:00.000-04:00

I’ve come to realize this story I call life has been split into two parts, acts if you will (I guess this might be a normal part of growing up, when your life begins to change so much you can distinguish it into separate pieces). The first phase: birth to August 6, 2006, the second: from that very day to the present. You see something happened on 08/06/06 that turned my life upside down, I found out my dad had had a heart attack and died at the young age of just 44, I being only 19. I may not have had the ideal, dream relationship with my dad but I was his baby and somehow he was still my hero and I have never felt anything quit like the grief that struck me from this loss. I feel this is where I must begin for this is where I’m still at. Of course I’m not the same person as I was that day; in fact the year following that day is very much a blur. I’m at the end of the second year, what I have been told is harder than the first due to the shock finally settling in and I would have to say I agree with those others. Maybe not so much that it’s due to shock but then again maybe it is the shock just not how I or anyone would really expect but I will get to that later. This past year I can say has been an incredible journey. That is why I want to share what I have learned from these experiences for I now believe a person can’t experience grief without a change occurring within them. All I can say is this is my story and it’s a story to be told. I really haven’t said much of the journey to many people so here it is for anyone who desires to read. There are many chapters and titles, each with their own purpose and point. I probably won't be able to cover it all but here are my experiences, my changes, my laughs, my cries….my journey thus far. Allow me to catch you up in the story...

1st Big Adventure

2008-05-22T03:10:00.000-04:00

So first things first, it's confession time: I haven’t exactly read the book the quote my whole blog is centered on is from. I kind of just found it somewhere which I don’t even remember exactly. I mean I chose the title of my blog because I believe this to be a place I will share my experiences of life: the good, the not so good, fun and sad times, etc., knowing all of have a place in the big picture, but I always had this quote in the back of my mind as I was thinking of a title. It intrigues me. Therefore, I have decided my first big adventure for this blog (well not really big but isn’t every adventure big simply because its an adventure?) is to go out, get this book and see exactly what else Dan Allender has to say. If you don’t know me, I love to read! So I’ll get back to you on that but for the time being I’ll get started writing the first couple of chapters of this baby! This is my first attempt at writing, besides the usual research papers for school. Sorry if it seems like I explode onto paper, I’m an analyzer so my brain has a lot to say. See you on the flip side!