HOME=<3

I think its about time I hit up on this subject since over a month ago I said it would be the next necessary blog topic. I must say though that my soul has been a bit quite over this last month and my life, well it has not be so quite as I have been working vigorously to graduate. Now that chapter is closing, I'm working on writing the next. I'm not sure whether this post fits under the former or the latter but I do know its a rough draft that I may return to make some changes to as this topic does ebb and flow in my life. Either way what I want to say is that home has been an interesting concept during my journey of grief. It use to be so simple- Columbus GA was my home and then I came to college but that was just a middle ground for a period of time. Then I went to Savannah, then my dad passed away, then I wanted to go to England, then I didn't go nor did I return to school but I "lived" in Savannah. So the concept of home became very fuzzy. Because despite all of this I still had this deep longing to be settled, this desire I was clinging to. Everything in my life after my dad's death had become unsettled. I wanted so bad to have "my" own place where I could put everything I owned including my dad's furniture that was sitting in a storage building. Then stay in said place, not move, not even think about moving for awhile. You get really sick of all the chaos when you leave a dorm every year for four years, trust me if you haven't experienced it, its not easy. I've noticed this settled desire is deep within so many peoples hearts. And I wonder just how much of that rings to the fact that we aren't truly home, none of us, not even individuals who are openly against any thought of Jesus. None of us are home because this isn't the way it is suppose to be and I wonder just how much God fights for us not to settle. Yes everyone, and I pretty much really do mean everyone gets a house and a job and a spouse and the dog and the kids. I'm not at all saying this is bad because honestly my life will probably end up looking a lot like this, but I hope it is a lot more. I guess I should get down to the point of what has changed in my view. Basically the Lord told me to let go. Let go of this obsessive desire to have those things. I was making it harder on myself by wanting such things. It came down to having to decide whether I would stay and work here at ACC where once again I will be living in a dorm and eating in the dinning hall. I wasn't sure whether I wanted this because I wanted so much of the other. But this release has been freedom. I'm cleaning my life out, I'm breaking out some of the things I've been keeping for a future house and I'm using them. Who says I'll live to see a house in my name anyways so I might as well seize the opportunity of using that cute rug I have for such a deal and that awesome vase I have as well-I mean it does all match!:)And the other stuff, I'm pretty much going to give a way. There are people out there who need pots and pans while mine sit in a storage building waiting on me to settle and then I will probably be the one who will is blessed with a house warming party or who knows someday a wedding shower. Either way I'm learning more and more that the Lord really does provide for me. He is so many things and I'm coming to know each part personally. Not too long ago he used the book a book to show me his Redeeming Love, then through my controlness- that he is my ultimate provider, now he is showing me how he fathers me as I have been reading To own a Dragon by Donald Miller. More on this soon. So maybe we should all take a look at what it is we are striving for and figure out whether it really is what we want. I have a inclination that when God said to seek his kingdom first and all else will be given to you, that he wasn't joking. So now in my heart, I know I am home and home really is where my heart is. I don't care how cliche that is, Jesus may not litterly be in my heart or maybe he is, there is far too much debate on this matter in my opinion. All i know is I am only truly me with him. And like Dr. Hooks taught us in Old Testament Proophecy, the heart from a biblical perspective is where decisions are made. Decisions are not easy for me, anyone who knows me well enough knows this about me but with the Lord I know that I can make sound decisions and if I happen to screw one up he is still there and will fix the pieces back together again to make something beautiful...for those who love him. In this particular instance I have been able to use my heart to make the decision that I am completely settled in Jesus, give or take a home, or when I didn't have a car, or if I have a penny or $1000 in savings, or if I wear the same nice clothes for three years because I really don't need anymore. So wherever I go I carry home with me in Jesus name,
Amen