I saw the movie Confessions of a Shopaholic the other day. I didn't want to go honestly, I was tired and wasn't sure if I would like it. I thought it might promote shopping and spending too much money on clothes without any consequences. But my aunt "kicked me in the but" to go and now I'm glad I saw it. It seems that every movie I don't have the desire to see ends up being a movie I really like! Anyways its subject matter is where I am in life right now actually. I'm on a shopping fast I guess you could call it. I finally realized that I have plenty of clothes, actually more than enough. I could clothe three other people I'm sure, probably more. And among the things in my life that are going on, one is a search for simplicity. In fact I'm claiming this year as Simply 09'. Every book I have been picking up whether for class or for leisure has pointed to this idea of simplicity.In fact there is so much I don't think I can spit it all out here which is okay because its not necessary. But lets go back a little.
The interesting thing about grief is how it can play a role in every part of life. When I would go shopping at the heaviest point of grief I came out of the store with clothes I wasn't even sure I liked enough too really buy. It wasn't just that I was splurging to feel better but that grief can literally make a person feel an out of body experience. My friend described it as living in a color television world while you feel like the black and white set. The numbness makes it easy to shop without even thinking about it. The feeling of loosing a piece of yourself when you loose someone you love causes the urge to find that part of you again. Of course we run to clothes first, at least us females usually do!Looking back on this I would love to be upset with myself over it all but really I am a better person because it. It's not like the grief all of a sudden made me a shopper it just made it far to easy not to think about the end result. No, even before my dad died I certainly was a shopper.Now I see that less really is more. So for now I'm doing my best not to buy more clothes. I'm also not getting rid of any at this point either. My strategy is to see what I really do wear and what I don't but more than that I want to actually feel the depth of what I have especially when I get it all together in one place, which I plan to do, and then I will see just how much I have. I even plan on counting the articles. At some point I will embrace the giving away part. I was thinking the other day of how it will feel to not even care if someone borrows something and I don't ever see it again or if someone likes something maybe I give it to them because I realize that this controlling nature that is so common in the world is very much in me as well. And I can do something even if its little by starting with me. My favorite part of the movie is at the end when the leading character defines herself. "Rebecca Bloomingdale, reformed shopaholic." Also the leading male role had empty picture frames at the begining of the film. When she asked him why he didn't fill them, he responded that it is what is in those pictures that defines a person. So someday the right picture will come along and I will share it with you but for now....I am Amanda Moody, a shopaholic being reformed by the patient and unconditional redeeming love of Jesus. Until next time may you find more peace and simplicity in your life as well. -alm
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