A Real Life Quote

This quote is on a plaque hanging in the coffee shop I frequent on my lunch breaks throughout the week. While it is featured in this picture on a rubber stamp, it still reads the same words that strike me every time I read them in Whats the Scoop (if your ever in Richmond Hill GA you should consider checking it out, order some homemade soup and meet the nice owner). Anyways, the words always fascinate me as I ponder over them, honestly its probably more like I over analyze considering that's one thing I seem to do quit well according to my friends. This fascination is due to the fact that while it is far too easy to say what a great quote this is and we would probably all admit it either gives us a warm fuzzy feeling or a sense of cynicism, it's also brutally true that most of us living here on this earth do the exact opposite... we regret the past, we worry about the future and we just float through the day wishing it to be over most of the time. How sad is this truly the case? Maybe we should do some serious analyzing of how we manage our lives and our thinking, even if it ends in over analyzing. At least we could then say we actually put some meaningful thought to it. God came to earth through his one and only son so that we might have abundant life. That is certainly worth some thinking time...

My Mom, my person

I think it is about time I live up to my promise of devoting a whole post to the declaration of my mom. Pretty much I always come down to saying she is amazing because that sums her up darn well. My mom is for me what Merideth and Christina, from Greys' anatomy, like to describe themselves as...eather other's "person," the one who understands them the most, no matter the turns in life. My mom just gets me, as I would hope for any child especially mother-daughter relationships. Sadly it is true that the people we humans can hurt the most are those whom we are closest. Unfortunatlely this is often the case in my life and even so, my mom is my person. She may have her upset moments with me but she still listens to me, helps me hash things out, gives me a shoulder to cry on, laughs with me (quit loudly I might add:) and shes absolutely fun to hang out with, our favorite pass time is to sit around and chill. So in short there truely are not enough words to describe how great my madre is, however I can honestly say that without her I would have never made it through all of the chaos written about in the previous posts. I owe her the biggest thank you of all! So...I love you mom, more than anything in this world. I thank God he blessed me with you! Love, your baby girl

Take Some Time To Enjoy the View

At the end of every episode the last words of The View hostess, whoever it may be, are always the same..."Take some time to enjoy the view." While the show often emphasizes whats going on in all the biggest pop stars lives or the political debates, it may do us all some good if we actually listened. I've noticed that from the front steps of my house it is easy to see that the next door neighbor as well as both houses across the stress have swings. Why is this? We like the thought of stopping to "smell the roses" but we let our lives ruin that for us. The key word is let, we can change this. Our part is easy, sit, look, and enjoy. Some words from John Eldredge's book, The Journey of Desire...

"Simone Weil was absolutely right-beauty and affliction are the only two things that can pierce our hearts. Because this is so true, we must have a measure of beauty in our lives proportionate to our afflication. No, more. Much more. Is this not God's prescription for us? Just take a look around. The sights and sounds, the aromas and sensations-the world is overflowing with beauty. God seems to be rather enamored with it. Gloriously wasteful. Apparently, he feels that there ought to be plenty of it in our lives.

I am at a loss to say what I want to say regarding beauty. Somehow, that is as it ought to be. Our experience of beauty transcends our ability to speak about it, for its magic lies beyond the power of words. Wordsworth penned these lines:

Thanks to the human heart by which we live,

Thanks to its tenderness, its joys, and fears,

To me the meanest flower that blows can give

Thoughs that do often lie too deep for tears.

I want to speak of beauty's healing power, of how it comforts and soothes, yet also how it stirs us, how it moves and inspires. All that sounds ridiculous. You know your own experiences of beauty. Let me call upon them then. Think of your favorite music, or tapestry, or landscape. "We have had a couple of inspiring sunsets this week." A dear friend sent this in an E-mail: "It was as if the seams of our atmosphere split for a bit of heaven to plunge into the sea. I stood and applauded...simultaneously I wanted to kneel and weep." Yes-that's it. All I want to do is validate those irreplaceable moments, lift any obstacle you may have to filling your life with greater and greater amounts of beauty.

We need not fear indulging here. The experience of beauty is unique to all the other pleasures in this: there is no possessive quality to it. Just because you love the landscape doesn't mean you have to acquire the real estate. Simply to behold the flower is enough; there is nothing in me that wants to consume it. Beauty is the closest thing we have to fullness without possessing on this side of eternity. It heralds the Great Restoration. Perhaps that is why it is so healing-beauty is pure gift. It helps us in our letting go."

Beautiful words to ponder and embrace.

On Being Home

So there are the past four seasons of my life in short. There is so much more I could have said but I will leave it at that. Now summer is inching closer and closer and a full year has gone by. I wonder how I have changed. For one thing I feel my drive to be someone and do something that makes a difference has come back to me as natural as riding a bike does when you haven’t ridden in awhile. This is why I’m at home, to regroup. I’m cleaning my life out, starting over, closing one door so that another might open. Somehow I feel lost and found all at the same time. I’m holding on yet I’m letting go. I’m coming alive and I’m finding me again, something that was loss right along with my dad (in case you didn’t know, a piece of you dies as well when someone close to you dies). Going back to where I was in phase one helps me see who I will be for the rest of phase two, who knows maybe phase three is just around the corner and there is no telling what it will bring if so…

More than anything it’s time to live in the here and the now.

Rewind

It’s time for a little dose of spring…I realize it technically is still spring but I’m talking about the first half of spring spent at school ending the year out. It was (and still is) sort of like rewinding the tape and watching parts of my life over. It felt like I was back again, that place where I feel like I can’t catch my breath, something I haven’t really felt since the 06-07’ school year. Description of self: fragile, handle with care. At any moment I could break into a million pieces. Wait, I’m already in a million pieces. Instead of sleeping, this time I found myself lying, waiting, and listening a lot. When I say lying I mean it in the literal since. Use to, when I would lie down for awhile I would get restless and board and in no time I would be up again finding something to do. Now when I would lie down I relished every minute of it to the point that I didn’t ever want to get up. I decided to speed a little bit of my time lying down until I got board again. Everything about my life needed to lie down. Lying down was my solution to confusion I guess, there are those moments where all you can do is lie down. It gave me permission to stop and think (I know crazy since I’m an analyzer but it’s true). A friend of mine responded to my lying expeditions (that’s an oxymoron I’m sure) with the statement that when life gets tough, lie down! I think this is a lesson worth remembering because from this lying down time I learned to wait and listen, two important things when it comes to living as a Christ follower. Even if I did already know something about these two things, there was obviously room for some more wisdom, as always.
As for waiting, I was waiting for grief and joy to collide into something beautiful. I use to know joy up and down; people would tell me I had an overabundance of it. Now I understand what it means to have times of laughter and times of mourning. Honestly I miss some of the old times which speaks of something deep but I’m glad I’ve learned what I have because it makes it possible for me to relate better to other peoples sufferings. I’m not going to lie though, it’s so easy to think that I’m not joyful enough because I'm not doing something right but thats a lesson to speak of on antoher day. I know for now I need to mourn over some things and I know I will get to that point where the two become one together. I know it’s possible. Won’t you mourn with me now and rejoice with me later?
And well listening, that I was trying to do as truly as possible, listen to God. Not such an easy thing to do (especially when you feel like what your hearing makes no sense and you wonder whether your just speaking out of your own motivations) but I guess this is why lying down isn’t as bad as it sounds (like I’m a lazy bum). Instead I guess it’s my way of figuring out how to be still and know God is. The rest of spring shall be written on the blank pages soon, of course I’m still living out some of them as summer rapidly approaches! In the mean time, maybe try adding some lying down time to your day if you need too but make sure it’s quite. See what happens and feel free to let me know.

P.S. I Love You all!

I would like to name the people I have just told you about. Those from the summer who helped more then they realized (including a day at the beach on father’s day) are: Charity, Kaylene and the rest of the Snavely bunch, including the little ones because they helped me remember to play. Also my savannah boys: Ben, Jared, Travis, Kris and Derek. Thank you also to the precious youth of Coastal Community Christian Church and Coastal Empire Christian Camp who remind me of childlike faith and the joys of pure fun!
As for the fall, thanks go out to the girls (Donna, Jen, Diana, and Jamie) and the pimp (Rusty), as well as the ladies of Dodson dorm, especially Melissa and the Bethany’s, W and Z. Thanks for the good times!
I’m sure there are more but these were the main characters that have and still do play major roles in my life, my story. Thanks most of all to God for placing these amazing people in the story at exactly the right time. (You may notice I didn’t mention my amazing mom but she and my Godmother deserve a post all their own.)

Pieces of the Past

That summer (2007) all I wanted was to be restored. So what did I do? I slept and when not sleeping I was pretty much lazy. It was a pursuit of what most people call “r and r,” rest and relaxation. Up to that point I had only been surviving, doing whatever it took to get through each moment because 10 days after the biggest change in my life I went back to school for the end of my sophmore/beginning of my junior year of college. Finally summer came and I had reached a point that I could collapse. It was actually allowed and I took it for all it was worth, wherever I ended up. Where I ended up when I wasn't home is where my heart always seems to lead me, Savannah. And I must say a special thank you to all the people in my life there for allowing me to be just who I was over that summer. You may not even know what exactly was going on with me because even I didn’t really know but you were a great part in helping put me back together again so thank you, you each mean something so special to me.
Then there was the freshness of fall (2007) that offered a new start. I wanted to “live again,” experience as much as possible. So every weekend I had something to do and no it wasn’t homework. In fact I didn’t even touch the stuff (ok that's an exageration), but still I went to a corn maze, carved a pumpkin, went to a Joyce Myer conference (for free!), cruised around hotlanta, and the list goes on. I am in debt to the friends who made this time in my life a trill or better yet one thrill after another to remember. It wasn’t necessarily that anything we did during this time was extravagent when looking back in hindsight but it was nice to be back to my social self; these little joys were exactly what I needed. Thanks to all, you know who you are. Now I’m here (this was actually written in winter 2008). I’m at that place where the two must meet. Restoration and pleasure are colliding whether I want them to or not but I do want them to. Balance is such a beautiful thing that I don’t know who wouldn’t desire it. One author’s point of view is that devotion and pleasure are the components of a balanced life (from the book Eat, Pray, Love). So I’m in the pursuit of balance: that beautiful place where pleasure and devotion meet. But I’m adding my own twist (I don’t think she will mind, in fact I think she would completely agree with it) because I need some restoration at times too. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Where It All Began

I’ve come to realize this story I call life has been split into two parts, acts if you will (I guess this might be a normal part of growing up, when your life begins to change so much you can distinguish it into separate pieces). The first phase: birth to August 6, 2006, the second: from that very day to the present. You see something happened on 08/06/06 that turned my life upside down, I found out my dad had had a heart attack and died at the young age of just 44, I being only 19. I may not have had the ideal, dream relationship with my dad but I was his baby and somehow he was still my hero and I have never felt anything quit like the grief that struck me from this loss. I feel this is where I must begin for this is where I’m still at. Of course I’m not the same person as I was that day; in fact the year following that day is very much a blur. I’m at the end of the second year, what I have been told is harder than the first due to the shock finally settling in and I would have to say I agree with those others. Maybe not so much that it’s due to shock but then again maybe it is the shock just not how I or anyone would really expect but I will get to that later. This past year I can say has been an incredible journey. That is why I want to share what I have learned from these experiences for I now believe a person can’t experience grief without a change occurring within them. All I can say is this is my story and it’s a story to be told. I really haven’t said much of the journey to many people so here it is for anyone who desires to read. There are many chapters and titles, each with their own purpose and point. I probably won't be able to cover it all but here are my experiences, my changes, my laughs, my cries….my journey thus far. Allow me to catch you up in the story...

1st Big Adventure

So first things first, it's confession time: I haven’t exactly read the book the quote my whole blog is centered on is from. I kind of just found it somewhere which I don’t even remember exactly. I mean I chose the title of my blog because I believe this to be a place I will share my experiences of life: the good, the not so good, fun and sad times, etc., knowing all of have a place in the big picture, but I always had this quote in the back of my mind as I was thinking of a title. It intrigues me. Therefore, I have decided my first big adventure for this blog (well not really big but isn’t every adventure big simply because its an adventure?) is to go out, get this book and see exactly what else Dan Allender has to say. If you don’t know me, I love to read! So I’ll get back to you on that but for the time being I’ll get started writing the first couple of chapters of this baby! This is my first attempt at writing, besides the usual research papers for school. Sorry if it seems like I explode onto paper, I’m an analyzer so my brain has a lot to say. See you on the flip side!